Not So Sorry Now…
November 25, 2009
Okay, so I’ll admit I was a little sad about the whole Oprah-not-renewing-her-show-forever thing, partly because I feel for my city and apparently Oprah brings in a lot of tourist dollars because she has the “Midwestern White Lady” market basically covered and when they come here, they shop their socks off and eat at fancy restaurants and spend lots of money on souvenir embroidered sweatshirts and partly because I sort of love to hate Oprah and I was going to miss that nauseous feeling she gives me over breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, I envy her a little. Who wouldn’t want to be the person millions of gullible people turn to for advice on all the wrong things?
But that said, she freaks me out and her weird followers freak me out and given recent developments, I feel like a permanent move to Southern California for the Queen of Daytime Television might be best for everyone involved in this twisted little scenario.
The queen of daytime will interview the president of the country during an ABC holiday special that brings together Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama.
The network has announced “Christmas at the White House: An Oprah Primetime Special,” which includes an interview with the president, a conversation with the First Couple and tour of the White House.
The special marks the first time Winfrey has interviewed Obama since he took office. “Christmas at the White House” will air Sunday, Dec. 13, at 10 p.m.
OMG vomit. Vomit vomit vomit. I love that word. Vomit. Seriously. VOMIT.
In a certain way, this makes perfect sense. Stupid people listen to Oprah, Barack appears to be losing sway with stupid people, and people love Christmas-y stuff, so you’ve killed three birds with one stone. What used to air on the HGTV during the Bush years will be televised live on network prime time for everyone to happily lap up. Which is fine. Its television and as a rule, if you don’t like the trash you’re watching, somewhere there’s a Lamas willing to both entertain you and prove that Darwinian evolution does not serve to explain the continued existence of certain human traits and family bloodlines. But seriously. After a half hour of viewing, most of America will have to be treated for an eating disorder. Because, I suspect, the interview will go something like this:
OPRAH: Do you know how awesome you are?
BARACK: Why yes, yes I do. But I don’t really like to talk about it.
OPRAH: Well, we have a few minutes, lets talk about it.
BARACK: Well, since you insist. Of course, yes. I’m awesome.
OPRAH: I agree.
BARACK: Lets talk about this more.
Of course, the real danger here is that the collective hubris and massive weight of these two individual egos occupying the same general location may cause the time-space continuum to collapse in on itself in a blinding blaze of glory powerful enough to reverse whatever remains of global climate change. How these two can exist in the same era is beyond me. Were these two on opposite sides it would be like Godzilla and Mothra, two giant, ugly aliens from a far off planet of ugly aliens, equally matched in their superpowers, destined to remain locked in battle for the rest of their mutant lives until one or both of them falls off a giant cliff into the ocean.
Of course, hope in my secret, shameful loves is only proving unwarranted in 50% of cases today. It seems that, unlike Oprah, it appears Angelina Jolie might be coming around. Not that I’m putting too much stock in this, despite it being reported by reputable publication US Weekly, but hey. Sometimes, you just have to believe.
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November 26th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Oh I sooo have other plans Sunday, Dec. 13, at 10 p.m. (9 central)
November 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Well Angie has been wanting to do Atlas Shrugged for a while now, so I’m thinking she’s a libertarian.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Her dad’s a conservative and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t speak to him and I remember her and Brad Pitt being all like “we won’t get married until gays can get married,” so I wouldn’t be too willing to throw my money at that, but its a step in the right direction.
November 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am
[...] writes on the cult of Oprah hosting the Obama Christmas special: Don’t get me wrong, I envy her a little. Who wouldn’t want [...]
November 29th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Last I heard she and her dad were trying to mend the fences.
Well the gay marriage thing fits in with libertarianism, unless you’re of the mind that marriage shouldn’t be a government matter, or that they are using the issue to backdoor into protected minority status, gain lifestyle legitimacy, access to entitlements, etc.
Heck, as long as she believes in fiscal restraint and decisive, reality-based foreign policy, I’ll take it.