Leave Jessica Simpson Alone!
February 2, 2009
I thought, at some point, the night that Obama was elected, that I would love blogging in the new year because his Presidency would provide ample fodder for someone as keen as I am to point out foibles. Initially, I was disappointed because, as it turns out, there are seventy kabillion other conservative bloggers all of whom tend to latch on to Obama’s foreign policy naivete (I’m using the French word so as to avoid using the more complex, slightly more dangerous in terms of censorship American four-letter ones), lack of foresight, resemblance to Jimmy Carter (I even suspect we’ve found this President’s Billy, though somehow I doubt his product would be beer)…you name it, its been covered. By a cacaphony.
But see, there’s some things others just aren’t qualified to cover. And when Obama decides to wade knee-deep into celebrity culture and criticize a mainstay of gossip pages and sports superstition enthusiasts alike, The Sun will be there, and so will I.
Lauer: Yeah, well — let — let me show you. This is the — the current issue of — of Us Weekly.
Obama: Right.
Lauer: And here’s a great picture
Obama: Oh, it’s beautiful.
Lauer: — of — of you and — and Michelle and — and your daughters. Now, the — the reason I bring this up I think is funny. It’s a great picture.
Obama: Yeah.
Lauer: But I wanna show you the cover. Look what they did. They — they took you off the cover.
Obama: Yeah.
Lauer: They took you out of it.
Obama: It — it’s — it’s a little hurtful.
Lauer: You got replaced by Jessica Simpson.
Obama: Yeah, who’s in a weight battle apparently. (LAUGHTER) Yeah. Oh, well.
Yes, its true, the cover of Us Weekly does call what Jessica Simpson is going through a “weight battle,” so if he’s just reading the cover verbatim, he’s going to come up with some interesting results, namely that his wife is using Pottery Barn to decorate the White House, which is not only totally lame, its going way over budget for furnishings, as Pottery Barn routinely takes their design cues from the much cheaper and recession-friendly Ikea, retools the components and makes expensive versions of furniture you can buy for under $100 with no payments due for a year if you buy all of your furniture and accessories at once ($399 or more worth). But still, you’re the President. Its time to learn what’s appropriate to comment on and what you should be aware is over the top.
For example, talking about things that are relevant to your job? Always appropriate, even if you are discussing passing notes to Skippy in study hall asking to borrow his members only jacket and handbook on being a dictator. Talking about conservative talk show hosts? Unless they are somehow involved with things relevant to your job, be aware that all you are doing is making them more famous. Rush was about currently as relevant to my life as POGs; the era of manufactured outrage and good-ol’-boy political incorrectness went out around the same time Ann Coulter’s Adam’s apple started appearing again. Talking about celebrities? Also inappropriate. Jessica Simpson may or may not be engaged in a “weight battle” and she may or may not have gotten the memo that pants, particularly jeans, belted at the waist will always, without fail, make your rear end look huge. Maybe she needs a visit from Trinny and Susanna. Maybe she needs her shopping privileges taken away. Maybe she needs to lay off the doughnuts. Or maybe, just maybe, Jessica Simpson is happy exactly how she is. Only she knows for sure. Personally speaking, I don’t really care as long as she fires whoever the hell bought her that belt and told her that she could wear a bra three sizes too small.
Frankly, I’m just happy she’s wearing pants as opposed to leggings/tights/rompers, as that is more than I can say for about 97.5% of celebrities and 99.5% of gay men who live in my neighborhood.
The moral of this story, Obama, is that you shouldn’t speak of stuff you don’t understand, and while I know this may, in fact, make you unable to engage in any kind of foreign policy discussion whatsoever, let me just say, you need to leave the fashion advice to the professionals, or risk having to fight Robin Givhens for her column inches in the WaPo, and from what I understand, that chick is fierce.
Posted in Uncategorized
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:32 am
Well beyond the cacophony, it needed to be said, you said it well, and I enjoyed reading it. Good one!
February 2nd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
When I heard about this, I thought it was made up. I really did not want to believe that Lauer and Obama “went there” - but they did. PISSES me the hell off.
February 3rd, 2009 at 12:41 pm
“… pre-Super Bowl interview …” I guess this is going to be a new forum for Presidential Mutterings.
And the Great One seems to be disappointed that his Image wasn’t on the cover any more:
“Obama: It — it’s — it’s a little hurtful.” (I don’t know if he was kididng.)
That’s easily fixed: just print up several million posters and plaster them all over cities and towns. (Villages don’t have that big a vote - let them eat cake.)